![]() My Bumble experiences reflect the same unfortunate truth, as do other studies about the complex relationship between gender and power relations on dating apps. The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements continue to illuminate how much unfinished business we have ahead of us before gender equity is a reality. These insights not only shocked me they impaired my ability to have meaningful dating experiences on Bumble. This was confirmed by several of my matches, who discussed women’s acquisition of socio-economic and sexual power as a problem. Many openly critiqued us for acting “like men” and I was ghosted, sexually degraded and subjected to violent language by men who resented me or what I represented as a feminist. ![]() Some Bumble men view the app’s signature design as a way for women to rob them of their rightful dating power. I learned the hard way that despite our feminist advances, many men are still not comfortable waiting to be asked out. It ignores men’s feelings about adopting a more passive dating role. The women-taking-charge-for-themselves model assumes that we live in a girl-power bubble. ![]() The discrepancy between Bumble’s sunny narrative and my stormier encounters stemmed from the app’s outdated brand of feminism. My digital dating journey was not the effective, empowering experience I hoped for. Or, the guy who talked obsessively about being 5'6" but really, really wasn’t. Like the attractive guy with the prickly arms (because he shaved them) who twirled me around in my dining room but could barely tie his shoes up because his pants were so tight. Of my 10 encounters, four rated as very good to excellent, three as quite bad and three fluctuated in the middle: not terrible, but not something I’m keen to repeat. Only 60 per cent of my opening lines were answered and I met just ten men in five months, which is a nine per cent “success” rate. Sure, there was some short-lived excitement, but much of my time was spent wondering if they would respond. Will he respond? Will this one like me? Putting myself out there repeatedly made me feel vulnerable, not empowered. You’re a personal trainer, it must be rewarding to work with people to achieve their goals … Hi X! I like your photos, they’re attractive and interesting. In my five months on Bumble, I created 113 unique opening lines, each of which involved not just work but also a leap of faith. Like the female worker bee, women do all the work on Bumble. Writing helped me cope with the bizarre things I encountered, and my anthropological insights told me that my observations were unique as well as timely.īut what is Bumble all about? What does it reveal about feminism and gender in contemporary dating culture? I had no intention of writing about my socio-sexual experiences, but as soon as I started my Bumble journey the words began to flow. Self described as “100 percent feminist,” Bumble’s unique approach has generated significant social buzz and it has over 50 million users.Īs a medical anthropologist, I explore sexuality, gender and health experiences among people in sex work, Indigenous communities and those affected by HIV/AIDS. I chose Bumble because it was rumoured to have more professional men than other apps and I was intrigued by its signature design where women ask men out. However, when other options were exhausted, I found myself selecting photos and summarizing myself in a user profile. Drawing upon my personal experiences and academic insights about sexuality, gender and power, this article explores what happens when dating apps fail on their promises.īeing a tech Luddite, I never dreamed of using a dating app. They’re not of course, but social media and popular culture inundate us with messages about the importance of these seemingly easy and effective approaches to digital dating. When love, lust and all things in between come calling, dating apps appear to be the only way to meet new people and experience romance in 2019.
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